In the original Final Girl crowdfunding campaign, this wasn’t listed in the initial funding, instead getting added as the campaign went on and its price reduced as a stretch goal until it became free. It’s weird thinking that what’s the default length of a ‘series’ would have been different without this, and frankly this feels like an essential part of series one.
In my opinion, Maple Lane is the main reason for my glowing praise. It’s not that Dr Fright isn’t fun, but a small suburban neighbourhood is a perfect setting. It’s Nightmare on Elm Street, it’s Halloween, it’s Scream, it’s the setting for so many horror movies. You have a central intersection and then four quadrants of little houses. In theory it’s fairly straightforward with a number of exits and even better, every house can be searched for items! You have to mark them with an X to show they’ve been looted, but that freedom of searching is really helpful. Then you have the gimmick. The people in their homes need to be convinced to let you in before you can rescue them. You get an extra action card called, “Convince”, which is nice and cheap, it might even get you an item if you’re lucky. But a lot of the time you won’t be and the suspicious suburbanites will keep you out before getting hit with a meat cleaver or a pitchfork.
The events also make the set pop. I remember one game when I was fighting Hans in South Street, just going at each other with weapons only to stop as a Terror card summoned a new Event. A police car popped into existence and slowly drove through the streets without stopping to help. I had that desperate moment of, “What the fuck, buddy?” That final girls get in horror movies when their plight is somehow unnoticed. There are firework nights, there’s a deadbeat boyfriend who frankly is better dead. There are roadblocks which can help even out the higher than usual amount of exits.
Along with Camp Happy Trails and one of the series two locations which I’ll get to in time, this has been a go-to for testing out vignettes and more complex killers.
Dr Franklin Wright was a horrible “Dream Therapist” in life and when his crimes were discovered, he vanished into the dream world. He exists as Dr Fright in a kind of boiler room and hunts people in their dreams, cutting them up with a pitchfork. Local myths about him have only helped give him power.
Dr Fright before he murdered anyone.
It’s tricky to fight a person who exists in dreams and that’s reflected by Dr Fright and the Final Girl’s inability to harm each other while they’re both awake. Victims are still on the table as they could fall asleep at any moment. In order to cause any lasting harm to Dr Fright, you need to fall asleep. There are cards which can do this, but your main technique is probably going to be the Long Rest and Short Rest cards, which gives you easy access to go under. When that happens, you’re ignored by Victims as you’re in the dream world, but you can finally fight Dr Fright. At the end of every round in the dreams and sometimes through other events, you play a little sliding puzzle type game to see if you stay or get attacked. There’s a stack of cards under the Awake/Asleep card, each a picture of a hellish boiler room split into four, with Dr Fright popping up on a different quarter. When you make a check with it, you slide one of the cards out from the stack and if you see the doctor, you’ll get attacked. If you’re done with the stack, you wake up. This means you’re on a clock when you find him. He also has Terror cards which move him around the board quickly to hunt down sleepers, and can even kill someone you’ve already saved as it turns out they were already dead! What a bastard.
The sleep stack.
Playthrough
I played Sheila Smalley. She’d been adopted by the Smalleys of Maple Lane after their daughter died at the hands of Dr Wright before he became a monster. She had a deadbeat boyfriend who was staying home from the neighbourhood block party and bugging Sheila about when she’d come over.
The block party meant that most people were out enjoying the summer evening, barbecuing, chilling, having some drinks. The Smalley family were there, having a fun old time, apart from Sheila who was reeling from horrific dreams. She tried to focus herself and walked into the street, towards the party.
Dr Fright stalked his way towards Chet, Sheila’s boyfriend. He had no idea the dream monster was there and ran through him, trying to get to Sheila. Mechanically, if The Boyfriend was ever on Sheila’s space, she would lose two time and time equals money for buying cards. I had to make sure they didn’t meet up!
Shiela breaks up the street party.
Turn two was pretty limited, with just Walk and Sprint cards, so Sheila ran over to the block party, grabbed her parents and got them out of the map via the East Street exit. All while Dr Fright found someone sleeping off all the day-drinking and murdered her. Multiple events popped up from the Terror deck, meaning that roadwork blocked the South Street exit and the real reason for the block party became clear. It was the 4th of July! Everyone in their houses left them, which meant the Convince card I bought was going to be a waste.
Shiela started her next turn with the shady guy from one of the southeast quadrant houses on her space, so she shoved him into the exit and failed at a Focus, so more burning of cards had to happen (I’ve got more cavalier about burning cards in this replay of Series One). Sheila ran up to the next space and found a couple admiring fireworks. She doubled back, shoving them through the exit. I bought a Furious Strike, figuring I’d start saving up for the future. Speaking of aiming for a good future, the clingy boyfriend was murdered, so I didn’t have to avoid him anymore. Unfortunately the wife of the couple I’d saved had been acting strangely, and it turned out she was already dead, puppetted by Dr Fright! I’ve not had a Victim removed from the ‘saved’ pile before. That was inconvenient.
As much as I’d have liked to keep stocking up for the future, there were more victims to extract. Sheila took two more partygoers from the intersection over to West Street. She looked back sadly at the remaining person at the barbecue, realising it was unlikely she’d get back to him in time. They were extracted, along with a suburbanite who was already at the West Street exit, having popped out of their home to watch the fireworks. That was enough to trigger Sheila’s ultimate ability! Normally cards can be binned off for one extra time, something I basically never do. Sheila’s ultimate meant that you could bin them off for two time. Now that’s an exciting prospect! She walked into one of the north west homes and found a knife. It wasn’t the best weapon, but it’d do.
The person at the barbecue drifted off while grilling and dreamed of a burning boiler room. He tried to escape, only to have his skin burnt off by acidic steam. That was enough for Dr Fright’s Dark Power to activate, making him increase his Horror level whenever he damaged Sheila. Damn, and after I did a lot of work to keep it down.
He cornered a man trying to get past the barricades to the South Street exit. It wasn’t working and his chicken mascot costume came to life with Dr Fright inside. He froze in fear, then was impaled on his pitchfork.
Sheila was in an inconvenient spot, far from Dr Fright. It meant a bit of an admin turn, walking slowly towards Dr Fright and binning cards for the bonus time, gaining a Critical Blow, a Sprint and a Close Call (a reroll of one dice or all of them for -2 Time). The good news was that with no one else left on the board, Dr Fright was stalking towards me, even though neither of us could hurt each other.
He started cutting his own fingers off, raising the Horror level and undoing all my good work. Sheila had to panic, diving into a house in the southwest of the neighbourhood.
It’s stabbing time!
Sheila steeled herself, pulled out her knife, walked outside and knocked herself out. Time to bring the fight to Fright! Sheila’s Critical Blow was my first two-star roll of the whole game, managing to deal half of Dr Fright’s damage to him. Then with a failure on the Furious Blow, I had to burn necessary cards to cause any damage. I bought Retaliate and realised there was going to be a problem… I’d used the two good fight cards. I needed to block him and avoid him in the boiler room until I could buy them back. A quick look at the Terror deck meant that I should have time before his ultimate ability was unleashed.
Sure enough, he attacked and my Retaliate card did… pretty much nothing. I burnt more cards and dodged the damage, dealing another two to him. An event popped up with a road closure on Shiela’s spot, but that didn’t matter. It was victory or death at this point. Then there was another event, a fire at the Smalley House, which freaked Sheila out, but she had to keep going, especially as the Boiler Room card didn’t show Dr Fright.
I binned Focus cards for more Time, couldn’t buy Retaliate as I’d just used it so I had to stock up on Guard and fought a Critical Blow.
Things got quiet. Too quiet. The Horror level went up again. Ugh. Not in the red, at least. Another Boiler Room card, another lack of Dr Fright. Phew!
Dr Fright only had two health and I only had two dice for my rolls now. I used Weak Attack first as it had fewer results which would end my turn. With one hit, Sheila took some damage and dealt two thanks to the knife. I flipped the final health token and it was blank!
Another game, another shockingly close resolution.
Similar to Inkanyamba, I think I overlooked Dr Fright a bit in my plays. I’d only fought him once before, and I think in the future I’d love to try him in places like the Sunnydaze Mall. I kind of wish the Feature Film books would have DLC or extra scenarios which crossed series. Speaking of which…
Lore & Scenario Book, Gruesome Deaths and Feature Film Book
The books, side-by-side.
I’ve mentioned the lore about some of the Final Girls and Killers in my reviews, and those come from the Scenario & Lore Book. The book’s divided out by set, with a page on the Killer and then a series of scenarios making horror series featuring them, after all, what’s a horror movie without a lot of sequels? Some of the scenarios are pretty basic combinations and they skew towards the default Final Girl, Location and Killer combo for each set. They move things along as they go, requiring specific setups, events and terror cards. Some even add special mechanics which are shown on the red bar at the bottom of each scenario, making them easy to reference.
This being Series One, a lot of the scenarios will find ways to run through most of the locations, sometimes double-dipping. It feels a little contrived with that, but I’ve seen Jason Takes Manhattan, contrivance is part of any long-running horror series.
Finally, there’s a page for each Final Girl, giving them their full names and backgrounds.
Dr Fright’s profile.
The Book of Gruesome Deaths is something I’ve not got physical copies of for Series One, but is enabled on the Final Girl App, so I have some experience of it.
What’s worse than a Killer chasing down and murdering little yellow victim meeples? It’s if their name is Harvey and you get to hear how he’s brutally destroyed by a monster. Humans anthropomorphise things. You look at the front of a car and see a face. People hear a Large Language Model has a name and they treat it like a person, even going psychotic as it gasses them up. Giving a name and personality to each of the Victims makes their deaths feel bad.
Between the behaviours of panicking Victims and the Book of Gruesome Deaths, you can interpret the results and give them more autonomy. Each Killer and Location has random entries for where death may come from. That way if it’s from a specific Terror card or Event, it’ll be tuned to fit what happens. There are plenty of general ones, too, as that’s the most common way a Killer will dispose of them.
The final book to cover is a Feature Film Guide. This one’s nice and easy, it’s basically just all of the scenario rules for each location and Killer in one space. It also has achievements which can be tracked. If you have the app, then the achievements are included, but there’s always something satisfying about ticking a box.
That’s a wrap on Series One! Once I get the birds back from Steve, who’s diligently painting them and trying not to go mad, I’ll pick a random location and try them out. Last time, they devoured me, so hopefully things will go better in my replay.
I’ve made no secret of my love of Black Armada and their games. I first encountered the pair talking about how to run crowdfunding campaigns. This was early in their crowdfunding journey and where so many campaigns were promising the moon, Josh Fix and Becky Annison actually came at their project with a solid plan, pragmatism and a professional mindset. I made a note to follow their then upcoming Lovecraftesque and sure enough, the game was delivered on time and swiftly became one of my favourite Lovecraftian horror RPGs of all time.
Over time, Black Armada have experimented with different forms of games, from single-book Powered by the Apocalypse darlings, small zines, booklets and a glorious boxed set full of cards. This time, they’re trying something I don’t believe anyone has done before… a roleplaying game that’s an advent calendar.
The original Advent of Abomination was a fascinating experiment by Josh Fox, put out through the Black Armada Patreon but also with a short print run made to sell at that December’s Dragonmeet. I’ll admit, I’m used to bashing together my own props, proxying cards and so on, so I downloaded the file (I am a patron of theirs, of course, which people should also keep in mind with this article). Christmas came and went, and I forgot about it.
At a future Dragonmeet, I was having my usual catch-up with the Black Armada gang and saw they still had a copy of the Advent of Abomination. It was their last or second-to-last physical copy and Josh explained how much of a faff it was to make them. A valuable project which was unlikely to happen again. And I understood that line of thought. The advent calendar had some nice enough art, but the doors weren’t all cut entirely squarely, some I had to finish off the cutting with. It was a lovely product, but a logistically-difficult one.
The Advent of Abomination is a roleplaying journaling game which contains the rules on the reverse of the calendar and prompts inside the doors. There’s a guide to the tone of each set of days to help the escalation, a star rating for each prompt to show the level of strangeness and then three mystery doors which you pick the order to open when prompted. That helps make each experience unique to the playthrough, along with how you’re approaching your character, the setting and the journey.
I’m a player who has often banged on about the tactile experience of games, even things like idly stacking dice or opening booster packs. It’s something I think about a lot, so getting to open up a door to an advent calendar every day to get greeted with a new prompt was a lovely experience (yes, even for a horror game). It also worked well for an experience of portion control. I’ve started some solo campaigns like Thousand Year Old Vampire and the ritual of having to open a new door every day acts as a good reminder to keep this up.
I had a great time with Advent of Abomination and posted each session here. Spoilers of Advent of Abomination, of course:
The Advent of Abomination with some new, spooky art!
If Advent of Abomination was a tricky beast to make, why are they returning to it? The main change was proper manufacturing, which crowdfunding will help with. As well as re-releasing the original Advent of Abomination, Josh has written a new advent calendar with more of an action movie vibe to it.
The Advent of Adventure is inspired by Christmas movies like Die Hard and Home Alone, with you journaling as a Christmas Elf trying to rescue Santa from a dragon. This calendar has a more all-ages tone than the Advent of Abomination and art from Bri de Danann.
The Advent of Adventure!
I love the idea of this being a version of the game which you could share with your family, telling a story with them or letting your creative kids make their own story.
The Advent of Abomination is getting a makeover with art by Harrie Leith and of course will be professionally printed just like the Advent of Adventure.
The Kickstarter is currently live, with physical and digital copies of the calendars, as well as colouring pages and more. You can check it out here.
Our casual adventurers have been tasked by the benevolent Computer Overlord to watch three episodes of Star Trek featuring societies run by computers to make sure Computer Overlord isn’t offended. In ‘Return of the Archons’, Kirk and the Gang are here for the Festival and for the first time, we get to see Captain Kirk talk a computer to death, then we return YET AGAIN to Season One of TNG as Wesley and some of the Enterprise kids get kidnapped by an ancient civilisation led by Deep Throat from The X-Files to be given some new parents in ‘When the Bough Breaks’ and finally, Boimler discovers if he’s going to be a good boss or a bad boss when he’s tasked to lead a repair team ‘In the Cradle of Vexilon,’ All Hail Computer Overlord!
You know, it does look a bit like a cult now you mention it.
EPISODES DISCUSSED: ‘Return of the Archons’ (12:17) ‘When the Bough Breaks’ (42:53) and ‘In the Cradle of Vexilon’ (1:11:58)
Talking Points Include: The Princess Bride, the Evercade Superpocket, Jeff Minter, classic computer games, creepy vibes right from the get-go, what is Festival actually for? These guys are the crappiest resistance movement, Lindstrom- the hot new Star Trek character find of 1966, Kirk being the most Internet Guy here in talking a computer to death, that one guy wants to use Festival to jump through windows, I think we’re going to run out of S1 episodes of TNG before anything else, Kylie Minogue, TNG needed more freeze-frame endings, we hate AI, you might have guessed, we really needed an episode of TNG which was basically Chopping Mall on the Enterprise, the whole ‘families on the Enterprise’ thing sometimes just feels weird, Wesley has definitely called Captain Picard ‘dad’ by accident, nice to see Jerry Hardin here pre-X-Files, koala, we just have a soft spot for ‘Move Along Home’, have you ever been a Boimler? T’lyn is here to eff with Boimler, would people in the 24th Century haze others?
Inspirations: Puppet Master? (I’ve not seen Puppet Master so I can’t speak to accuracy)
Final Girls: Eihi Asami & Charlie Aja
There’s something innately creepy about the circus, similar to how there is about clowns. The Carnival of Blood is a great location for a horror scenario. The Big Top makes for a central location both useful to get through but also a bit of a killing field if things go badly. Two opposite corners have the only exits and then there’s the traps. There are Terror Traps both from the Terror Deck and the Item cards. It makes even searching for things a little tricky. It’s the kind of mechanic which hints at what they’ll do later with their Saw-inspired scenario and includes its own reference card as you’ll be getting a bunch of deadly tokens on the board if you’re unlucky.
I could see this scenario being fun against Dr Fright, the werewolf and maybe the zombies. Given all the traps, I’m not sure if the Saw scenario might be a bit much or just right.
Gepetto is of course, thematically right for this kind of place, and victims aren’t just going to get hit by traps but transformed into grim puppets represented by tiny, unpleasant minis (or tokens with the regular version). Gepetto himself isn’t pleasant, but the extra reach he gains with the puppets and their own mobility felt like it was the main challenge.
My full setup, including Tear Dice (I’ll get to them) on the floor of the place I’m staying in during building work.
I played Eihi Asami, an artist who was visiting the circus with her friends. The starting event was, “How dangerous can it be?” which would move the victims towards traps. Ugh.
Asami started out focusing a little and failing to lower the horror level enough. She hurriedly walked a curious couple to a nearby exit. Luckily Gepetto was also doing poorly as his Terror card needed puppets he didn’t have!
Asami ran to the ‘Things to Astonish’, taking a survivor with her and grabbing some Super-Lucky Dice. That was it, a short turn. The puppers snatched away a small child lured into the open with a stuffed animal. That survivor joining Asami turned out to be her foolhardy fiancé after another event card was drawn, and a victim investigated a weird prop with an asphyxiating dust in it.
The puppets claim another victim!
Asami moved near to the big top but tried to keep away from it, fearing whatever would end up inside. She rescued another couple of people, walking them to the exit after leaving her fiancé behind. She’d hit enough for her ultimate form and ran to the Forest of Horrors. Gepetto found his way into the Hall of Mirrors and killed a family who’d fled inside and couldn’t get out.
Searching the forest, Asami found a telescoping pole, one of many wacky items. It would help with vaulting past some problems. She avoided a trap, but another victim didn’t, slipping on a banana and getting caught by Gepetto.
Gepetto’s Dark Power activated and a tiger got loose, making everyone panic! The puppets pulled apart someone who got stuck in an exhibit and couldn’t get out. There were so few survivors left and worse, Asami’s fiance had ended up in the big top with Gepetto! Asami grabbed a bandolier of knives, grabbed her fiancé and fled with him.
Unfortunately, Gepetto gave chase. Asami was slashed with Gepetto’s puppet strings, but the fiancé bravely sacrificed himself. The headstart didn’t last long as Gepetto gave chase to Asami and stabbed her.
RIP Fiancé
Asami limped towards the exit with a survivor and killed one of Gepetto’s puppets. The remaining victim was surrounded by puppets and it’d just take an unfortunate Terror card to kill them. It was a clown! Somehow this victim was a sicko who actually liked clowns and ran to the big top to see them. Gepetto was there, but too late in the turn to murder him.
Asami charged into the big top and hit Gepetto with a furious strike. It was a partial success which let to her turn ending too early after so much setup to get the right cards for a fight. Exhausted, Asami could only watch as the final victim on the board was paralysed and butchered by Gepetto. Then just to make things worse, two more victims arrived, not having heard all the screams in the circus. One was instantly killed and the other mauled by the tiger before being taken away for puppet parts.
This distraction bought Asami enough time to try and get her breath back, which took some discards after a failure. She saw a strongman’s hammer unattended, grabbed it and limped towards Gepetto. She wasn’t healthy enough to use it, but it could work.
After a turn of mostly guarding, Asami rested, gained enough health and energy to get ready to fight Gepetto. She limped towards him in the big top, swinging the hammer. One solid hit, and then another one as a bit of a gamble on whether his final health point would be enough. If he had bonus health, she would die in his first attack. Bang! The strongman’s hammer smashed his head in and the puppets dropped to the floor; their strings cut.
The final battle, and one victim awkwardly in the middle.
I’m shocked this plan worked. I remember my first playthrough being brutal against this combo.
Final Girl Miniatures
The first half of the Final Girls.
This was another extra in the Kickstarter campaign for Final Girl Series One. An extra which requires no spoiler-proofing for me this time!
You will have noticed the miniatures, lovingly painted by Steve Mileham, a talented friend who is as we speak suffering through painting a ton of tiny birds for the Final Girl Series One scenario, “Terror from Above”.
The second half of the Final Girls (and Laurie again).
The game normally uses meeples for the Final Girl, Killer and victims. The Kickstarter added a little bling with miniatures representing each Final Girl, each Killer and even the horrible little puppets Gepetto has. Later campaigns would add the vehicles I’ve been using, too.
They’re completely unnecessary, but they look very cool. I know the mix between plastic and meeple has put some friends off using them in the past, but I’m fine with it. The victims are mostly nameless (unless you use the app, in which case you find them out as they get butchered) and there are versatile special meeples which have roles in the events of each scenario.
I’ve reached the point with them where I wait until the minis are painted before playing the scenario. Luckily the gradual release of series four means that some of those are already painted and ready to go while I wait for the rest.
Inspirations: There’s no direct movie references, but I can say that the final girls’ names are based on George Romero and Jordan Peele. Barbara is also the name of a character in 28 Days Later. I guess the scenario is covered with a lot of, “tourists go to sacred grounds, rile up spirits and die” movies.
Final Girls: Barbara Romero & Adelaide Jordan
Both the location and scenario introduce the same mechanic with Wrath escalating on cards. Each uses one of the tiny trackers and will grow over time, then trigger separately to that, causing all manner of terrible effects. I appreciated only having one thing to learn when using both of these together and it continued to feel like a linear escalation of complexity from Happy Trails to Creech Manor to this. There’s a new action, “Atonement” which lowers one of the tracks if you’re successful. Unfortunately Inkanyamba’s Killer Wrath naturally increases if it gets too low, to make sure you don’t get too complacent.
The Sacred Groves are a map combined between the groves themselves and the encroachment of tourism into them. In addition to exits and locations, there are also sacred locations which you’ll want to avoid when possible as that’s where you may face Divine Wrath. Of course, the tourists keep wandering where they don’t belong and that means you’ll be dipping in and out of them.
Tourists in a place they really shouldn’t be…
Inkanyamba is an agile and brutal killer, who races around the map slaughtering people, especially when his Killer Wrath goes off, making things much worse for things like Threat Level. Even with the wrath mechanic, Inkanyamba actually feels pretty straightforward. He just acts a lot.
I’ve only played this scenario twice, the first time ended pretty brutally. This time, hopefully things would be different.
Adelaide’s out for work and everyone’s already out touching all the sacred relics.
I played Adelaide Jordan, a jack of all trades who generally never stood out and had to take a job at the tourist attraction on the edge of the sacred groves, watching overprivileged families poke and prod at the holy site. They took parts of it as souvenirs and her manager planned to encroach further. Little did she know, a man had given up his identity, his very soul to be a spirit of vengeance for the grove. Anyone, guilty or innocent, would die at his hand.
As ever, Adelaide spent her first turn mostly focusing, with mixed success. She ended up at the lost and found, grabbed a couple of tourists and holed up there, ready to search for useful items. The wrath of Inkanyamba grew and his punishment lowered Adelaide’s time for the next round. Then for good measure Inkanyamba gutted a worker at the tourist centre. A mega-tourist arrived, loud and obtrusive, a permanent target for as long as he was on the board.
Adelaide had to adapt her plans to the lack of time, running to the exit with the couple she’d found and starting out towards the mega-tourist. Inkamyamba murdered the remaining welcome centre’s worker by smashing him into some rocks. The Killer Wrath was unleashed, causing Inkanyamba to chase down a child who’s strayed into the sacred burial ground. This awakened his Dark Power, a volatile temper which made him even more horrifying.
Adelaide focused for a moment, sprinted towards the uberfan and his PA, saving them and trying to atone in his place. It failed. On an upside, she found a whip. Inkanyamba spotted a tourist who’d peeled off from the tour guide and kicked them down a hill into the stones by a spring. He followed it up by murdering a tour guide and a hiker.
Unaware of how dire things had become, Adelaide was still trying to atone and restore some of the sacred spaces. She sprinted through the holy groves, taking some hapless tourists with her as she reached the exit, unlocking her ultimate form. She took an action costing six, taking a critical blow card. Almost sensing some optimism, the game struck back with Wrath of Death, a Terror card which gave a ludicrous increase to the Killer Wrath.
Adelaide sprinted towards Inkanyamba for a fight but paused, why not stock up? The grove’s Divine Wrath was unleashed, but Adelaide had atoned enough to reduce it down to it’s lowest level. Adelaide walked calmly to the lost and found, where Inkanyamba was. She uttered a prayer, lowering the Killer Wrath as she went. Then she landed a critical blow to Inkanyamba, pushing him back using the whip after dealing damage.
Inkanyamba recovered and charged at Adelaide, who retaliated with another blow from her whip, prepared for his return. Her own turn after that was poor, with a weak attack failing, losing Adelaide some health and ending the turn. Bugger! She still had Guard from a previous turn and managed to reduce the incoming damage. I drew a Fickle Temper card which shockingly actually reduced the Wrath! Oh my god, some actual good luck! And then Adelaide took some more damage. Things were looking pretty rough for both of them.
There wasn’t long left, with one Terror Card left in the deck. Adelaide had spent all her money on another Critical Clow, leaving her completely exposed if she didn’t finish Inkanyamba. The dice came up with two stars. Enough damage to knock down the last health. I flipped over the token and it was blank! I’ve not really looked at the odds of this, but the last couple of games I’ve played have been lucky ones.
Inkanyamba was a brutal opponent, chewing his way through victims faster than I could save them. Luckily I just about got Adelaide’s ultimate form working and it was mainly a one-off ability compared to a lot of the others.
The final showdown!
I hadn’t remembered how fun this scenario was, partially because of the lack of specific horror story it’s homaging. Now I want to see how it pairs up with other killers and locations. Terror from Above could be good fun for a story of nature taking its vengeance out in a different form. Inkanyamba might be entertaining in the cabin in the woods location, or the cornfield from series four.
The Final Girl Mystery Box
SPOILERS FOR THE MYSTERY BOXES
Space for spoilers!
Like the Final Girl ‘Secret Envelopes’, these are thoroughly spoiled parts of the Final Girl experience now. When it first came out, the Mystery Box was a little purchasable extra which Van Ryder assured was not actual game content. You wouldn’t be missing anything essential if you didn’t back it.
There was a cute box which the mystery gift arrived in, and inside…
The Necronomicon! A proper Evil Dead-looking Necronomicon! It’s big, chunky and feels quite toyetic. Inside are two dice; one with the symbols of each killer, one with the symbols of each location (and a wild card, as there are only five locations in Series One).
The Necronomicon, as painted by Steve aka smileham on Instagram if you want to see more of his work!
My friend Steve did a marvellous job of painting the Final Girl miniatures, and put his skill into this tome, too. It definitely feels like it gains something from a paint job, compared to the later mystery gifts which are alright even when unpainted. If I get all the way to Series Two and Three, you’ll get to see what they’re like.
The Poltergeist is an invincible murderer. It’s a ghost, after all, wreaking havoc through a map while you’re trying to find a little girl with psychic powers. This makes for an interesting first jump in complexity after the Happy Trails Horror. You can’t kill it, so instead you’ve got to rescue victims while scouring the item decks for Carolyn, who’s hiding from the ghost. She’ll accompany you, but sometimes will have demands like her toy rabbit who’s also in an item deck.
Creech Manor similarly changes things up and shows the versatility of the location board, bringing us a side view of a large house. This is something I’m surprised they’ve not done more of, and really liked here. Shifting from the Camp Happy Trails map to this felt reminiscent of surprises in Arkham Horror when the cards would stop representing a building and get used for a town, or a train, or a side-view of a house.
The game, set up and ready to go.
Exits in Creech Manor are pretty limited, but there are windows where you could help victims climb out, or they might flee out of them and fall to their death. Each time I’ve played, I’ve tended to stick near the bottom of the house and only run upstairs when I’m more prepared. That said, if you’re lucky then you might have a helicopter rescue to hand, allowing you to use the roof as a one-off rescue spot.
I’ve played through the scenario a few times, and here’s my account of the most recent one:
Alice and Carolyn hiding while the Poltergeist chases everyone else down.
I played Alice, who had a moment of focus, breathing calmly before running into the manor. There was a helicopter above, waiting me to reach the top once I found Carolyn.
Unfortunately while she remained calm, the victims inside were panicking, including one falling to their death from a window before the Poltergeist even attacked.
Alice found some lucky dice in the garage and found Mr Floppy, the toy rabbit! It wasn’t Carolyn, but was good future-proofing as she won’t leave without it. Unfortunately the Poltergeist killed another victim at the same time, but I wouldn’t have been able to save them.
Then from the Terror Deck Alice was randomly struck by lightning, despite being indoors. That dropped her down to one health, where she’d remain pretty much until the end.
Alice ran up and into a closet to hide, scouring it for items. She found a crucifix and who was there, hiding amongst the long coats? It was Carolyn!
I’d rinsed my hand, with only a Sprint and a Weak Attack which was useless in this scenario, aside from burning it to upgrade 3 & 4 die results. So sprint she did, with a success and a discard result. I only had the one card, so I couldn’t upgrade the result. I looked at my tableau. I had ‘Will to Live’ as a special card (part of the extras, which gives you a random signature action. I’ll get into them at some point). It was only useful if I died, so I binned it off, allowing for maximum sprinting.
Alice charged up to the attic and used the helicopter to save Alice, Carolyn, Mr Floppy and one other victim. The other two who were hiding in the attic were just… left behind, I guess. Sorry, victims!
Sorry!
Compared to previous games, this was fairly short. Things went my way which is shocking given the game. The worst I had of it were some of the victims fleeing to their deaths, dying of fright and that lightning strike.
Final Girl Extras
I use a few extras from the various Final Girl campaigns in my play, often for convenience. I figure I’ll share some details about them as I go. There will be some spoilers, so I’ll give a warning to stop people delving too far if they want a surprise.
SPOILERS FOR ALL FINAL GIRL BOXES!!!
Secret Envelopes
The cards I’ve unlocked and the series one envelopes I’ve yet to open.
This has become a well-known ‘secret’ now, even advertised on the campaigns and visible in the packs of promotional Final Girls, so I don’t mind spoiling this too much. I don’t remember these being mentioned in the original campaign and was surprised to find them. Each Final Girl Feature Film box has a plastic insert containing the killer on one side and location on the other. They pull out pretty easily, making useful containers when you’re playing. They also have a little envelope for each of the Final Girls in the box.
The envelope has a little rule sheet as you could unlock any of them before another, and a personalised item. Laurie gets a special bow, Selena gets a flashlight and so on. If you complete a scenario with a Final Girl, you can then shuffle their personal item into the item decks. They’re a nice little touch, but I’ve rarely had them come into play so far, especially as I’m focusing on unlocking them all which means fewer replays with the same girl.
Promotional Final Girls even gained envelopes in later Kickstarter campaigns, which was an extra incentive to play with them.
Worlds end and things get wrecked in 1986. Halo Jones ends, Anderson has to stop a boy being sacrificed, Bad City Blue starts and ends in brutal form! Strontium Dog has a massive change to its status quo and Rogue Trooper gets a new mission, whether he likes it or not!
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 451-502, 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special 1986, Judge Dredd Annual 1987
Judge Dredd
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 451-502, 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special 1986, Judge Dredd Annual 1987
There’s such a variety of Dredd stories, and a few things which are a definite sign of the times like a parody of Adrian Mole. It feels like we’re getting a bit more of a view of the people of Mega City One with Dredd often as an elemental force brought in at the end or as antagonist. It’s something I’ve seen more in the present, and it’s a good way of looking at the city with more perspectives.
The Warlord has the visiting Warlord of Ji, Shojan, getting disgusted at the state of things in Mega City One and demanding to speak to the manager, or barring that, the Chief Judge. Of course, this is 1986, so Shojan tries to raise his ‘Seven Samurai’ and is brought down by a ‘ninja star’, which was the thing of schoolkid’s dreams and parents’ horror stories at the time. It’s not great, but isn’t as racist as I feared it would be.
Beggar’s Banquet has a group of cannibals trying to eat a beggar. They’re stopped and the beggar’s arrested, of course.
A Chief Judge Resigns shows us what happens when a Judge leaves the service and takes on The Long Walk.
The Secret Diary of Adrian Cockroach Aged 13 ½ actually stars a literal cockroach, which I guess I should have expected. Even this gets weird in Mega-City One
Letter from a Democrat introduces pro-democracy terrorists, something we’ll see more of as the series goes on.
Griblings is a kind of Gremlins/Tribbles style story, and it has some Barry Kitson art, which is always nice to see. The Griblings breed like crazy and eventually turn on their owner, I’m not sure if they’ll be back.
The Big Sleep has Flip Marlowe, a private investigator as the main focus, a delusional individual who ends up shot, dying and chased by a Judge.
The Exploding Man wanders into Mega City One and manages to blow up a Sector House before he’s stopped.
Beyond the Wall has a kid bump into Dredd after breaking into a garden. The owner doesn’t mind, but he’s going to the Iso Cubes anyway. Once he’s out, he’ll be welcome to visit the gardens again.
The Law According to Dredd features a phony Dredd out in Radburg, shaking down Helltrekkers for money. The real Dredd pops up and after some initial attempts to impress him, the fake Dredd’s expectations can’t be met and he tries to burn the original as an imposter. This has some incredible Kevin O’Neill art which really helps show the madness of the fake Dredd.
The phony Judge Dredd, or Judge DED as his badge now reads.
Paid With Thanks is the story of a ‘biller’ who sent bills to the estate of a dead guy, only to end up with several bodies mailed to her. Psi Division get involved, but not in time to stop a haunting turning deadly.
The Art of Kenny Who? follows Kenny, who travels to Mega City One looking for work and has been given a whole 24 hours to do it. Fate gets in the way, with hours of inspections, shots and then falling asleep. He goes to the MC1 equivalent of 2000 AD and The Big One has no interest in his work. Almost immediately he sees his work stolen by, “Jimmy Who”, headbutts Not-Stan Lee and gets shot by a ricochet bullet from Dredd and sent to the cubes.
‘Nuff Said.
Russell’s Inflatable Muscles plays on the old Charles Atlas adverts, with inflatable muscles to prevent local wimps from getting bullied. Unsurprisingly their attempt at using inflatable muscles doesn’t go well and their quest for revenge brings the Judges in.
The Dredd Syndrome is the name of a condition people get where they imagine Judge Dredd attacking them. Unsurprising, and it’ll be interesting to see if there’s more of the Judge Dredd Psycho Unit in the future.
The Urge shows another Mega City One institution as Skid Mullard goes to Perp-Aid after fearing his urge to do crimes may get a bit too much.
The Fists of Stan Lee features a very different Stan Lee; a martial artist also known as Deathfist, who gives Dredd a run for his money. Dredd gets a bit racist and it seems like he’ll be back. This is an odd gag story.
Atlantis is a fun story which does a little something with perspective. We start with Judges finding a body in the weird underwater outpost between Mega-City One and Brit-Cit. Then we switch over to a family who have been murdering people, robbing them and dumping them in the water. Of course, things end tragically in the way you’d expect, but this is a fun story.
Report to the Chief Judge on the Accidental Death of a Citizen is a story from an annual and really takes advantage of the weird colours and longer page count as a shootout with the Hunchbacks gang in a building filled with chemicals ends up with Dredd tripping his balls off.
Meanwhile… has Dredd having to navigate a hostage situation and a traffic jam. There’s something oddly shiny about the colouring the story has, but Ian Gibson’s art and the strange pale colours on Dredd make for an interesting look.
Bones
Judge Dredd and the Seven Dwarves actually predicts The Expendables, but makes them all small. Their leader’s basically Rambo, trying to kill Dredd while retelling the story of his pursuit of them like a fairytale. I don’t really care for it, but Bryan Talbot draws a surprisingly good Rambo. There’s also a worrying law banning mutant dwarves, which luckily gets repealed before Rambo and his mates are imprisoned.
The Blockrite is basically an illegal boxing ring, but the Judges let it play out before breaking things up. It’s an odd moment of sort-of honour or respect they have.
Pinboing Relay is another wonderful, ludicrous setpiece which feels a lot like the old Arcade stories from Uncanny X-Men. Max Normal’s forced to lure Dredd into a trap; a giant Pinboing Machine with explosive balls! The Peeper shows what happens to folks going through a Rear Window situation.
Attack of the 50 Ft Woman kicks off with a woman called Belisha being gifted with chocolate from a ‘bio-lab’ which feels like the first warning. When she grows to 50 feet tall while her clothes don’t, she gets pursued for indecent exposure while seeking her boyfriend out for revenge. Ultimately she’s too big for the city and has to be let out. Again, will we see Belisha again, roaming the Cursed Earth?
The Dead Ringer has a mother mistake a person for her missing son who went out to the Cursed Earth some time ago, only for it to be only partially him.
Phantom of the Shoppera is a kind of mall-based Phantom of the Opera as a robot gets obsessed with a shop clerk, ending in tragedy.
Tomb of the Judges has Judge Trace knocked out and dragged to a weird Judge tomb, where robots are obeying an old guy in storing living Judges in sarcophagi. Gibson does some great robot art and we even get some Judge Anderson in the mix.
Hell’s Packers are some jetpack perps who lead to a fun aerial battle between them and Judges. There’s not much more to it, but it’s a fun visual.
The Witness is Prunella Bellhard, a masseuse who saw the death of the manager of a sportplex. She doesn’t seem to be the murderer, but in a twist, the murderer is an alternate personality and the Judges have set her free.
A Real Xmas Story is a bizarre story where I guess the villain is the narrator. A Santa is transformed by the narration into a Christmas-hating psycho and oddly enough it turns into a love story.
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 451-467, 469-499, 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special 1986
Get him, Alpha!
Strontium Dog has a small amount of long stories this year, and the status quo gets drastically changed.
Max Bubba (continued from 1985), tells the story of Johnny Alpha and Wulf Sternhammer’s meeting when they both need to hunt down the criminal Max Bubba who’s hiding in Viking times. They kick his arse and Wulf ends up joining Johnny in the future. Then we fast forward to the ‘present’ of the strip when Max is back. He and his gang kill Wulf and brand Johnny, leaving him swearing vengeance.
Rage is the sequel to Max Bubba, Johnny’s on a quest for vengeance and hunting down all of the Max Bubba gang. I’ve already loved how he’s able to have emotions compared to Judge Dredd, and here he’s a raw, angry wound. When he finally catches up with Max’s gang, he gradually takes them all down one by one like a slasher from a horror movie.
Incident on Mayjer Minor is a bit of a reset and a bit of a classic Western story as Johnny meets up with a froggy mother and son being extorted on a planet. He helps them, albeit with a couple of hiccups and some typical Wild West hero style longer behaviour. Given what happened in Max Bubba and Rage, it’s understandable at this point. Even though he’s still emotionally wounded and angry, Johnny manages to use cunning to mess with the family who are exploiting the family.
War Zone! has Johnny and Middenface McNulty getting involved with a war specifically to hunt down some human mercenaries as part of a vengeance mission for McNulty. They killed is dog, so it’s time to go all John Wick on them.
Collected in: At some point the Complete Strontium Dog volumes will collect them, but until then, Volumes 34 and 43 of the Hachette series, 2000 AD: The Ultimate Collection. They’re not making new ones, but these are around.
Nemesis: The Warlock
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 482-487, 500-502 (continued in 1987)
The Goo-Humans greet the cast.
Book VI: Torquemurder! Man, this story’s nuts. Nemesis, Torquemada, their partners, Ro-Jaws and the ABC Warriors are stuck so far in the future that all of humanity’s now just goo in vaguely human costumes and the world’s a primordial mess. It’s great, but really weird.
There’s not much from Rogue, just The Fanatics, which is luckily a very good story indeed. Rogue only appears at the start and end of the story. After an initial attack from him, a pair of young Norts limp their way to safety. One’s blinded and the other’s jaded by the pointlessness of everything. He’s one step away from saying, “Are we the baddies?”
Unfortunately, this if Nu-Earth and life isn’t merciful. Rogue reappears again to finish the pair off. As far as he’s aware, they’re fanatics, despite what we’ve seen of them in the story. It’s brutal, and while humanising the Norts constantly would just make Rogue Trooper drag, this is a really good look at them.
Whatever Happened to Ace Garp? brings Ace back apparently after popular demand. He’s in the ‘dead files’ with Black Hawk and others, grabbed out by Tharg with the promise of returning.
Doppelgarp shows what happens with Ace Garp. He’s brought back and put into a story just before everything went awry and he died. This means that there’s actually two Ace Garp now. The pair are interrupted by customs chickens, leading to them plucking some stray chickens and disguising themselves long enough to flee and take money which turned out to be forged. The story closes with Feek rightfully annoyed at them both dragging him into all this nonsense. I guess if you’re going to bring Ace back, this is one way to do it. One of them gets his tip cut off to show who’s who, not that it makes much of a difference.
The Garpet Baggers introduces Evil Guts, who looks a bit like Lobo. He’s apparently this universe’s version of Evil Blood and has a job for the Ace Trucking Co. They’re to go to Earth and find some treasure from a map. On Earth, Hollywood’s gone a bit off the retails and seems to be a massive space which is all movie-themed. They go through a fake Wild West. There’s a whole chase with Melvyn Barg, taking them through a silent movie wolrd and a horror world. Events even escalate to a Godzilla and King Kong showing up, although Kong seems to like the Aces. Eventually they find the treasure past a Dracula and it’s all Hollywood props. Evil Guts takes his rage out on the Aces by playing a ‘Concert of Pain’, only to get stopped by GBH. Was anything learned here? Probably not.
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 468-478, 2000 AD Annual 1987
Anderson re-enacts Yor: Hunter from the Future.
I like Judge Death, but it’s nice that The Possessed is a story where Judge Anderson does more than fend off the Dark Judges. Instead she’s got a possessed boy and a cult who’s trying to do awful things. She chases the demon down and ends up going through a portal into a weird hell-world. The demon Gargarax can be hurt in the dimension, so it tries to put all sorts of things in the way, including some skeleton warriors.
As she catches up with the cult and the boy, Anderson ends up killing him before he can be sacrificed. She is a Judge, after all. And I guess, job done. It’s a good reminder of who Anderson is and how good she is at her job.
There’s also a short story in the 2000 AD Annual called Golem, where some kids inadvisably try to summon a trash golem.
Issues Covered: 2000 AD 451-461, 493-502, 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special 1986
Sláine sees some odd sights this year.
Tomb of Terror (parts 5-15) continues the dungeon crawl both in the comic and the attached game which I resisted trying out. There are traps, cultists ‘sliming’ people and people getting infected with the seven deadly sins, which I wasn’t sure would have been a thing in Sláine times. They end up finding the hoard and Nidhug. The star creature inside the tomb’s already regenerating and smashing to tomb apart. While it’s a horror man wasn’t meant to see, Sláine’s warp spasm manages to drive it insane, allowing everyone to flee the temple.
The Spoils of Annwn has a whole other quest and weird historical journey across the Glastonbury zodiac, which Nest has dragged Sláine and Ukko to. The quest here involves going through all of the zodiac, such as a Minotaur for Aries, which Sláine immediately tries to fight, but has to muck out his stable. There are some horrific implications here. Virgo involves a tattooed maiden, along with a mother and crone. Scorpio’s represented by a serpent, Nest has to frolic in order to lure out a unicorn at one point and finally it looks like Sláine will ascend and become a master of the stars. Nest lied about treasure, but the real prize was enlightenment. That said, Sláine is still no different, thirsty for booze and song.
Sláine the King (part 1-3 of 12) kicks things off back on the unfortunately-named Tory Island with some ugly and deformed Fomorians in charge of things. Quagsline, of the infamous ‘nose tax’ has been taking from folks. It looks like Sláine’s got his work cut out for him in 1987.
While I’m not the biggest dungeon crawl person after too many years of AD&D, I did like these longer Sláine stories. The Spoils of Annwn was definitely the highlight, and I guess I’ll have to see how Sláine the King pans out.
She’s back! I didn’t expect Halo Jones to volunteer for an army job, but that’s her latest attempt to gain employment. As ever with 2000 AD, war is hell and unemployment is everywhere.
Halo ends up meeting Toy in the military and they’re dropped into a warzone where it turns out, war is really, really bad. Halo and Toy are injured and Halo drags her friend back, chatting away to her. It’s only when she reaches safety that someone points out that Toy’s been dead all this time.
After that horrific experience she leaves the army, then re-enlists after experiencing unemployment again. The next place she’s sent to has weird time and gravity, needing soldiers to be in special suits to survive the compressed time. The war doesn’t last too long though, leaving soldiers directionless and one even taking her life. Halo’s plagued with PTSD and finds out General Cannibal who she’s been sleeping with, has been up to massive war crimes using a Rat King. Where could he have got one from? The Clara Pandy in volume two, of course. She ends up sabotaging his spacesuit, letting him die.
Halo ends Book Three going out. Just out. And that’s it for Halo Jones. Some interesting, odd stories. I’ve no idea where Books Four through Six would have gone.
The first new title for 1986, which begins and ends in nine progs.
Blue is a button man in a ruined city in space. Something’s a bit off about him from early on, and worse with the city itself. There are a lot of fights in places which should have been populated and used normally, but it’s all a bit Bioshock.
Speaking of which, the upper class realised that the city was going towards disaster and left the lower 98% to their death. Of course things went weird. Blue gets operated on and has his neural implant removed by a scientist, then starts fighting some of the button men, but the city’s getting sucked into a black hole. There’s a moment of hope as he kills his way to the console, but it’s too late. He decides to rule in hell for the last moments before being pulled into the black hole.
I’m used to 2000 AD killing its protagonist, but this felt pretty brutal to Blue from the start.
Collected in: Bad City Blue (digital only currently)
RPG Ideas: There’s a Fiasco scenario called White Hole which is not a million miles away from this. Our Last Best Hope is a bit more of a disaster movie game, but could replicate this, especially as I’ve never succeeded at it each time I’ve played. Oh, and Bully Pulpit’s Desperation series would need a custom deck made, but it feels like the last days of a city going into a black hole would work for it.
Sooner or Later
Issues Covered: 468-499
Originally created by Peter Milligan and Brendan McCarthy
The back page of several issues of 2000 AD were given over to Milligan & McCarthy’s Sooner or Later, with a very 1980’s logo and another reminder of the state of Britain at the time.
Micky Swift is on the dole in Camden and miserable in 1986. He gets abducted by a Mr & Mrs Katsbreath and taken into the future after a case of mistaken identity, but can’t afford to get back to the present unless he gets a job. This leads him into scrape after scrape, including cannibal muggers who he gets abducted from, a street of many madmen and eventually even winning an election as the 30th century elects whoever gets the least votes. He managed to get home thanks to a cab on an eternal, deadly motorway, only to end up in the 80’s back on the dole again.
The series took a few progs for me to gel with, and being the back page feature has a lot of garish colour adding to the weirdness. There’s a great article in the latest Judge Dredd Megazine (491) which goes into greater depth about it all.
RPG Ideas: Cheat Your Own Adventure captures the wild swings of the plot and how Micky manages to fall from weird situation to weird situation.
Metalzoic
Issues Covered: 483-492
YES!
Originally created by Pat Mills & Kevin O’Neill
Here’s some of that big monster madness that I love in 2000 AD, and drawn by Kevin O’Neill too, which is always a treat. I’ve not seen Transformers Beast Wars, but this is what I’d want it to be. See also Horizon: Zero Dawn.
The world is overrun by robot animals and there are barely any humans left. Jool and Ngila get chased by a mugger bug and Ngila’s killed, only for the robot who killed him to be murdered by our co-protagonist: Armageddon. Jool wants to get to a planetary rescue centre and Armageddon’s going to help her.
That rescue centre ends up also being a killer robot! Oh no! They next travel to a spaceport in Zinja, only to find that robots have been feeding on spaceships. It’s all looking pretty rough. Armageddon comes to blow with Amok, who hacks into Armageddon and we get some interesting insights into the history of this world. We also find out meteors are going to wreck everything. Jool and Armageddon survive as towers topple and the world looks like it’s going to end. The day is saved though, as robots can feed on the crashed meteors, sustaining them, with Armageddon as a kind of god-robot.
This is bonkers and I loved it. Apparently it was a DC graphic novel originally and then reprinted in 2000 AD. I’m surprised that it looks like it’s not been returned to at some point.
This comic’s so nuts. It needs a new printing.
Collected in: There is a Metalzoic collection, but I’ve only found it on AbeBooks here.
RPG Ideas: Where do I even begin? Maybe Legacy, as it covers real distant future things and different factions like robots and humans. Maybe Escape from Dinosaur Island if you’re just humans and the Earth is the island. Our Last Best Hope may be another useful pull.
Bad Company
Issues Covered: 500-502 (parts 1-3 of 20)
Meet Kano!
Originally created by Peter Milligan & Brett Ewins
I admit I don’t feel massively well-informed about Bad Company yet. It’s another science fiction war, but this time we’re following a group of people instead of a single rogue trooper. The 1st company division are defending Ararat from Krool. It all looks a bit doomed as the unit’s even facing war zombies. Kano’s their leader and looks like a kind of cyborg Frankenstein’s Monster and the rest of them are mainly weird misfits. I guess I’ll find out more about them next year.
RPG Ideas: I’ve no idea yet, so I’m going to give a shout out to The Yellow King’s “The Wars” campaign which is a little more steampunky, but if you want a weird war, then that’s a great one.
500 issues already!
Conclusion
This was a really enjoyable year. Far too often I look at what came out and only judge it on whether Dredd had big stories. It didn’t, but everything else got shaken up. It’s a shame Halo Jones won’t continue after this. I don’t know what the original plan was, but it feels like the three different arcs were all leading to something much larger.
Wulf’s death was a brutal reminder of how 2000 AD loves to chew through its heroes, and next year I’ll meet another character who’ll get more coverage in the prog over the years with Durham Red. I’ve no idea where Rogue Trooper’s going with his mission, and hopefully one day we’ll get a return to Metalzoic as that was a great fun story. I don’t know if I’d say it was my favourite of the year, but it’s definitely up there.
Show notes by Miles (corrections to spelling the word ‘Ferengi’ by me):
Right, everyone quit Oo-moxing for two minutes because we’ve got another episode talking about those hyper-capitalist scamps, the Ferengi, literally one of the few times here on the show where we can say without doubt that it’s a metaphor for capitalism! Our brave casual explorers watch three Ferengi-based episodes of Star Trek without any Quark-based antics.
First up is probably TNG’s most successful attempt to try and sell these guys as the Big Bad as Captain Picard is forced to face his past as a revenge attempt leads him to relive ‘The Battle’.
After that, Trip Tucker gets to do a Home Alone/Die Hard as the worst trio of Ferengi try to pull an ‘Acquisition’ on the Enterprise NX-01.
Finally, the Lower Decks get to see what Ferengi TV and Miles’ AO3 account is like as ‘Parth Ferengi’s Heartplace’ makes us ask: do Rutherford and Tendi like each other… in a sexy way?
Please send us two strips of Gold-Pressed Latinum for reading the show notes. Wait, you wanted to know the price up-front? THIS IS WHY YOU READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS, GUYS!!!
My completely legit press pass and a number of pins.
UK Games Expo was fun, and it took a while to go through my notes, so let’s have a look at what I encountered and who I spoke to.
I’ve tried to be more organised this year, so I’ve recorded my initial thoughts on my YouTube channel while I was at (or recovering from the event). I’ve already posted my piece on preparing for the con, so let’s see how the event itself was.
Day Zero: Thursday
Due to life and my own lack of organisational skills, I didn’t get a press pass in time, so I made my own, as well as some business cards to hand out.
My press pass
I got up early, then travelled by train and coach to Birmingham. There were a few moments of downtime while waiting for connections, but I eventually made it to the NEC where I met up with my friends Graham and Split (aka Out of Print GM on TikTok) in my usual hiding place of outside the Starbucks. We were too early to collect our passes and the queue was tiny, so I decided to be civilised and catch up with Graham and Split over coffee. Then I turned around and the queue was gargantuan. Luckily Expo’s got really good at processing people, so it didn’t take long to get our passes. I also caused some confusion when I asked to pick up my RPG tickets after forgetting them last year. Apparently they’re not a thing anymore and it’s all linked to my Expo profile on the app. Handy!
I’m back!
We were staying in the Tamworth Travelodge which was certainly a building that exists. Tamworth had some nice bits, especially The Arnold, where we had a nice meal and a drink in the evening, but mostly seemed to be roundabouts and directions mostly involved navigating via a Wetherspoons. We got back to the Travelodge and I faced the reality of not having any air conditioning, instead having a table fan and an open window facing freight trains which would regularly pass by. Graham asked whether any of the fancier rooms had aircon and apparently not, just behind the counter, and we couldn’t relocate to crash there. Luckily for me I’m living in a building site at home and the flat I’m sleeping in has curtains which let all of the light in, so even with all the noise I had more sleep than I’ve been getting.
Scenic Tamworth!
Day One: Friday
We went for breakfast in Tamworth and again, there were nice places despite the general roundabouts & Wetherspoons aesthetic. We went to a place called Cosy which was really nice, with large breakfasts, typewriters on the wall and friendly staff. Then it was time to go off to the con.
We were late enough that we needed to park pretty far out, and luckily didn’t have any appointments or sessions first thing. We went through a section of the NEC which I’d not seen before and felt abandoned, until we reached the halls.
The Mega-Hall!
It was dizzyingly large last year and even bigger this time. Halls 1-5 were occupied by UK Games Expo in some fashion, with Hall 1 having tournaments, 5 having tickets and the bring & buy, then everything else in between. Where 2026 felt like it was strained through three halls at weird angles to each other, this time is felt almost like one mega-hall. You could walk between some halls and only realise you’d entered a different one when you looked up at the signage. The openness was nice, and I think allowed a little more air, even though it was still stiflingly warm at times. I’d forgotten my battery so the USB fan was a write-off, but my blue hand fan would still work as long as I had hands!
Split and I arrived in Hall Four and weaved around trying to go row by row but getting distracted constantly. Split pointed out Sailors of the Spectral Sea which looked like a lot of fun. I booked in a demo on Sunday which sadly I’d ended up having to bail on, but I’ll have to check out the game in my own time. It’s a PbtA game where playbooks are made up of two halves. It also sold itself as, “Dead Gay Pirates” which feels like it’d fit well with Paint the Town Red’s “Sad Gay Vampires”.
I grabbed a Stamp Quest sheet as I figured I was seeing most of the stalls at some point to buy things, interview them or both. I then proceeded to forget I had it for most of the show.
I’m not sure what this guy was up to.
I’d found out on Thursday that the Star Trek Adventures game I’d signed up for had been cancelled; I assume due to the GM being unable to make it or something similar. I didn’t see any replacement games that I’d like so I signed up for Indie Games on the Hour (IGotH) which I always enjoy. I played a game of Desperation, which I love, but a scenario I’ve not played before about a doomed sea voyage. I was the only person who’d played Desperation before and it was interesting seeing people engaging with the tarot-style card-drawing and storytelling. There were a trio of players who felt new to this sort of thing, but immediately went hard with someone making a homunculous out of fish parts. It definitely set the tone.
We drew cards for the locations on the Isabel, then the cast and we put some interiority into them as well. Hence the fish homunculus. Then we played through three phases covering the storm-battered ship, a journey on lifeboats and finally survival on an island. We had one person left at the end; the zealously religious woman who gave up her husband, god and removed her own arm out of desperation.
Everyone on the ship in Desperation, where things were just grim rather than doomed.
The game ended a little early and my ride was playing until midnight, so I wandered around looking for a decaf coffee while talking to my beloved. There was no coffee, but at least I had good company.
Day Two: Saturday
A completely normal person in a hat and coat.
My first experience of big board game conventions involved playing CCG tournaments to the level where I’d leave and feel like I’d missed a lot of other things for the sake of a couple of full days of a card game. I’m relatively clean from them, only sticking to the Arkham Horror Living Card Game.
My friend Graham is also a fan of Arkham Horror and doesn’t often get it to the table, so when he asked me to join him in an Arkham Horror game, I agreed. I’ve been experimenting with the new edition of Arkham Horror (actual review coming soon, hopefully). I brought a couple of decks, I spent the night sleeving cards and showed up to the surprisingly chilly Hall One.
We played The Blob That Ate Everything… Else!, a print & play scenario which I’d only just been given the printed version of by Graham the day before. It expands the already fun and pulpy scenario with a few extra things. I’ve played the regular version once and this felt quite different as we had a new mission to carry out.
Our Arkham game.
This was an ‘epic multiplayer’ game, so we had expanded health for the blob. All seven groups would contribute their clues and damage towards eliminating the blob. Our scenario involved pushing an armoured car across the blasted wasteland of the invaded town. Things took time and unfortunately for my character, they kicked the bucket. The rest of the group were going to follow shortly after, but there was a shout and the collective tables had done enough damage to stop the blob. The others at the table breathed a sigh of relief, and I was pleased my sacrifice wasn’t in vain.
I laid a curse upon myself by saying that Hall One had left me a little cold and warmed up almost instantly. I still wasn’t able to find a copy of Magical Athlete, but did find a discounted Final Girl Season Two box. It was a sod to carry around and I wasn’t sure how I’d get it home, but it was something which would help store my collection.
Items on the Parable Games stand.
I found out about Pin Quest and started hunting them down, although I didn’t get far through the quest as it was late in the day and many stalls had already given away their day’s budget of them.
Generally the halls were a bit quieter for some of the day compared to Friday. It was still pretty busy. When I was done with the halls and looking for an iced coffee before heading to the Hilton, most places were out of ice. A terrible fate.
I met the Storybrewers, over from Australia for the con and did my best not to squee too much. I had a bit of a chat with them and then tried out a demo of Kryptothera. My comic writing mentor, Matt Hardy and genius letterer Rob Jones both wrote stories in an anthology comic currently on Kickstarter and suggested I check it out. The game has players wandering America looking for cryptids to contain. We were only able to play a few rounds, but it had some robust mechanics for travel and capture. My only criticism is that it felt pretty basic, like someone had filed down Eldritch Horror. I was advised that this was the most basic version of it, missing out on player powers, events and more. It’s understandable they’d be kept out of a demo, but it needed a little more pep. I’d be pleased to try it again with a bit more to it.
A mysterious cryptid.
Graham heard me talking about my love of Flip 7 and bought the fancy version of it. When we were hiding from the heat, we decided to try it out but needed a third player.
And that’s how I lost a game to a foam block, pictured below.
This loss is in my BG Stats now…
The evening game was one which I played with Graham and Split, as we try to have one game where we’re playing together. This time it was City of Mist, a game I’ve written a middling review about. I figured it was something which could be interesting for all of us and you never know, maybe a different GM would win me over. It didn’t. The pre-made mystery was not the one I’d run before, which was a near miss, but the GM didn’t really engage with the moves, just calling for us to roll and often ignoring the partial successes or GM moves. We got stuck on the mystery multiple times and I could see my friends despairing as it often felt like we’d tried everything we could. Eventually we timed out and the GM explained what the solution to the mystery was. I have some further thoughts, we’ll see if I put them into anything coherent.
The room we played City of Mist in. Apparently I didn’t take photos of the game.
We got back to the Travelodge and I decided to turn the fan off, so I only had the freight train noises. While I was hot, it definitely helped.
Day Three: Sunday
There’s always a sense of a rush with Sundays at Expo, given the amount of travel I had to do. As I spent most of Saturday around the stands with Graham, I felt like I’d not accomplished as much games journalism as I’d wanted, so I checked out a couple of things and then ran about trying to interview RPG creators. I’ll cover those interviews separately, so here are my thoughts on board games I saw.
String! Trains! What’s not to love?
Play For Keeps were showing off a gorgeous collected version of String Railway. I saw a review of the original on Shut Up & Sit Down a long time ago and picked a copy up at the UK Games Expo Bring & Buy the first time I went. It’s been a good game, although playing it with a cat in the house added a tense timer as the game would end when she noticed all the string. The re-issue is great as it’s a game which was out of print when I picked it up and very much in need to a sprucing up. It’s pretty cheap, but I’d resolved not to buy anything, so I avoided it.
Space Hunt! Matagot, hit me up with a review copy and I’ll talk about it on Casual Trek!
There was also a Star Trek edition of Captain Sonar, called “Star Trek Space Hunt”. It features a Federation ship fighting an enemy ship in several different scenarios. I imagined something like classic Captain Sonar, where people would take on different duty stations. This version was actually two characters on each side, normally a captain and first officer. I was a little disappointed at that, but it looked nicely made and if I had more time, I’d like to try a demo.
With that, I finished my interviews with Pelgrane Press. I decided not to bother them at an earlier, busier time as they’ve already got a customer in me and should be selling to other people. I got to speak to both Cat Tobin and Gareth Ryder-Hanrahan, who are delightful people. It was my first time talking to Gar, who’s a giant of a man and a constant source of enthusiasm. Just like last year with Hurricane Howitt, I realised I was about to miss my coach and had to excuse myself. I raced over to the coach stop and back to Brighton.
I didn’t stop… on my way out of the convention!
Conclusion
It’s always nice seeing the evolution of a convention over the years. I loved the use of space and while the jarringly weird connections between halls meant no suddenly realising you were at a different angle, it was nice feeling like most of it was one gigantic hall.
The air conditioning was terrible. One vendor said that she’d lucked out by being under a vent and would refuse to leave her spot. Other people were theorising that they blasted the air conditioning in small doses occasionally to cool things down, but they couldn’t keep it on as it would break things.
I missed the wider walkways of Dragonmeet and virtually danced across the expanses when there was a rare moment of space.
Overcrowded game tables at the Hilton.
As far as actual negatives, some more seating would have been nice, as a person with a terrible spine, and reception was terrible.
The convention’s stance (or lack thereof) on AI art is abysmal and it was good to see vendors taking it into their own hands and even sharing signs for their displays which said they didn’t use AI. Stalls which didn’t have this were under a bit of scrutiny from me, however in the RPG field, it tends to be 5E type materials which tend to use it, and I avoid those already.
The wonderful Black Armada who are of course, all human and making games.
I only played two RPGs and neither mentioned safety tools. I hadn’t met either GM before and felt in good hands with them, but it’s a good courtesy and not necessarily the case for everyone there to be able to trust them with people’s time. I still remember years ago having a game of a post apocalyptic RPG which really needed safety tools, and talking to the GM afterwards even he needed safety tools.
There are better people who have posted videos about this, and by the sounds of it they played more RPGs than I did.
In short, it was good, busy and still has some work to do which feels like its contingent on the logistics of the place (air conditioning, seating) and culture from the higher-ups (safety tools, AI stance).
Next up from me are some of the interviews I did with creators, so check that out soon.
Poldark: The Board Game, also some whisky to help get through it.
By Marks & Spencer
It had been a while since I’ve played a licensed board game from a charity shop, so when I saw a Poldark board game from M&S at the Martlet’s charity shop for £3, I had to give it a try.
Of course, it’s a Poldark board game from acclaimed board game publisher Marks & Spencer, so it took a while to get it to the table.
I took it to a mini-con my friends and I have each year called CabinCon, but it still didn’t get to the table until my partner and I were the only ones left. Then, more to get rid of it from our luggage than anything else, she agreed to play it with me.
I will warn you, I have no idea what Poldark’s actually about. I knew it was some kind of steamy period drama with Aidan Turner and Eleanor Tomlinson looking hot. That’s about it. So part of my review will also be trying to figure out what Poldark is without bothering to check IMDb or Wikipedia.
The Components
The fanciest of the components.
M&S is generally seen as a fancy place in my family, and this game rides that line between fancy and cheap. There’s a pretty solid-looking board, although the spaces reveal that yes, this will be a roll & move game. At least the spaces aren’t numbered, so there’ll be an element of choice.
There are a couple of pretty standard dice, a few small decks of cards, cardboard coins and overly large paper money. Those notes are the fanciest part of the components, sullied only by me realising I didn’t have a notepad on me and using three of them for my notes. Finally, there are six pawns which are small photos of the three couples in the cast, inserted into plastic standees. These are the cheapest part, and the only ones where you’ll see any photos from the show.
The cast of Poldark, now in cardboard form!
The game plays for 2-6 players, with 2-3 controlling a couple each and 4-6 controlling individual characters in a couple. There was a moment where I thought it would be fun if the game had you rolling two dice and assigning one to each character. Apparently not. You roll two dice and pick which result to apply to both partners. Then you move them, drawing positive, negative or horse cards when you land on those spots. You have objectives which will get you money and you can buy shares. You’ve got to get as much money as you can and park your pieces in Truro before the mutually decided upon time is up. We picked 35 minutes, as it was the shortest they suggested in the book.
Emma took Ross and Demelza, the main couple. I took George and Elizabeth, who looked closer to some villain-coded or at least a bit haughtier than the other couple. I can’t remember their names.
Each couple started in their homes with an objective, a horse and some money. Because we were picking one die for both characters, the couples started off travelling together and took a little time before splitting off. Elizabeth hired a new servant and made five crowns. My mission was to get one of the couple to Bodmin. Thrilling, I know.
Emma asked me how long was left. 24 minutes.
Shares!
I bought some shares (thrilling!) and Ross invested in a mine (wow!). Was this what Poldark was about? We got into doing a lot of pre-measuring which helped kill some time during play. Demelza got a loop of objective cards allowing her to bounce between locations in the south of the map. One of Ross’ tenants found a pitch for their market, which gave him some money.
I realised I needed both George and Elizabeth in Bodmin, something which took a while to get into place. When I realised I’d need both of them to have the right result to end up on the space, I gave up and landed on an objective spot to replace my active one. My characters were ships in the night, passing by Bodmin but destined never to arrive.
The board in action.
Emma asked how long was left. 15 minutes.
Ross raced across the map with a horse and decided to get in on the shares action. You spend a horse to move across blue hoof print paths on the map, I assume riding the horse to death and then leaving it there in the ditch. Elizabeth bought some shares in copper. Again, thrilling tales and I can see why a shirtless Aiden Turner was needed to sell this story. There was a fire in a barn, which cost some money. Luckily other cards meant the same farm was somehow also making money.
George sold a prize bull and ran around the bank, unable to get in because of die rolls. Emma dropped a dice and I paused the timer, telling her that there was no cheating and waiting down the clock trying to find a dice.
It didn’t matter, as Emma managed to get both Demelza and Ross into Truro in rapid succession. She was done with the game. I still had time on the clock to get my couple in. George was near enough that he got into Truro, reducing me to 1d6. Elizabeth picked up a Christmas gift (somehow gaining her money) and overshot Truro. Oh yes, we needed exact numbers to get in. I rolled again, overshot again, and again. After overshooting four times, I finally got into Truro.
I finished with 61 and a half crowns. Emma finished at 73.
The goal. Truro.
The quality was surprisingly okay for all but the player pawns, which felt as low budget as other charity shop games I’ve bought. The play was boring and at times frustrating. For the many decks of cards, they all did the same things. Opportunities and Traits would gain and lose you the same amounts of money. Objectives gave you the same money even if they required harder things from you. Horses and shares were all identical, just with different names.
I’m still not sure what Poldark is about, but I’m pretty sure it’s just hot people who are into property and business.
Understandably, we left the game behind in the CabinCon rainy day cupboard. If anyone finds it, I apologise for stealing three pieces of paper money in order to write my notes for this review.
Goodbye, Poldark!
Hopefully I’ll have some more terrible charity shop board games to review in the future. If you’ve got a lead on one, please message me on BlueSky where I’m Skyshark.
Faked Tales 